And those rapists who raped them get the money? No, he could be furious at the legal system that compelled it or at the woman (who, by the way, was equally culpable in the creation) who opts to continue with a child only she wants.. I dont understand the level of anger sparked by this man not wanting to be physically involved in this childs life. Am I being selfish if I tell him not to go to the doctors appts and be in the labor room? And if your original point was that gay men are smart enough to use condoms but that heterosexual couples seem too dumb to do so, that 1M number implies youre wrong. No, then I would say she is just stupid. Meaning, a woman SHOULD ask the guy who knocked her up what he would like. Step back and take a look at what you have told us. And yes men create children. Thats a dudes view. female Its unfortunate that he may potentially be a life-long relationship as parents with this woman, in addition to the legal responsibilities for the child, but any 40 year old man knows that is a potential risk. Temperance A forty year old man should know that once is all it takes to handcuff himselfto someone for the next 19 years or so. April 10, 2012, 7:06 pm. Addie Pray I dont have a problem with that. No one should be forced to abort a child, but no one should be forced to have one they do not want. Im pretty sure the guy is being called scum because of his shitty attitude towards the pregnancy and the unborn child. The vast majority of parents who have at least a rough acknowledgement of their paternity/maternity have joint custody even if the guys a deadbeat. Just because hes willing to pay child support doesnt mean hes not a deadbeat and who would want to be with the kind of boy who would abandon his child. reader, Silent wing+, writes (10 February 2010): A Wrong. He gets a girl pregnant and then tells her to get rid of it because its an inconvenience for him to have to deal with it? Adoption is a completely different matter. April 9, 2012, 10:04 pm. Im a guy, and I think that the BF is a loser scum bag. Besides, why would you want to be with a man who is with someone else? Ive done that on a number of occasions. The divide between the populations of men and women that make up people differs only by a couple of percent world wide, so unless your definition of the term people consists largely of men, that argument falls through. Francine Only the fools. Maybe she doesnt to be with your boyfriend, perhaps she just wants him to be there for the baby as a father. Like its a big shock that birth control can fail, that people can lie about using birth control, that women get to choose whether they want to keep their children and that he law requires men to financially support their children whether they want them or not. Girls dropped the single "So Typically Now" way back in July of last year, it was clear Meg Remy's next outing would continue the wild ride kicked off when . Its that theyre more likely to be honest about not wearing them when something bad results. female You shouldnt expect him to bow down and praise the woman. April 9, 2012, 6:54 pm. Hey, say what you want about the letter but dont diss my Twilight!!! All we know is that she wants to have the baby- maybe because shes prepared to be a wonderful parent. I love the argument that the women receiving child support are just sipping margaritas all day while getting mani/pedis on this income. bittergaymark I might disagree to a minor degree with some of your points although, re-reading your reply, I dont really think so but thats a great summary, and also completely out of place in this thread because its so rational. April 9, 2012, 11:16 am, Oh, good lord. I think the key is that the choice to abort doesnt result in an innocent child that still has needs to be met. I am willing to give this guy a teeney, tiny shred of doubt that he is in shock and is responding poorly, but that he could be a decent guy who will come around wants he gets his head around the situation. Heres a thought experiment for you: What a laugh. If youre going to be all bent out of shape if the stranger youre sleeping with has your baby then Id ask for a hand job instead. You are upset that someone read browbeat into the word ask but you have no problem making up a whole conversation in your head in the same breath no less even though the LW was explicit. Seriously this is skeeving me out. bittergaymark I have to take the stance that it is no ones responsibility but their own to make sure they dont get STDs. No. You can leave this dude, try to learn to live life on your own, try to show compassion toward your fellow women, and try to learn to identify unhealthy relationships straight away, before you find yourself embroiled in more soap-opera style theatrics. For me, the joy of the act is not actually giving it, but the enjoyment your partner gets. April 9, 2012, 3:07 pm. Exactly; he sounds like a total loser, and how the hell would she ever be able to trust him going forward? Here is the truth: After a break up you create a hierarchy. And yes, women do use the laws to trap men into financing their lifestyle of choice (as a single mother).. Because last I checked, saying dramatic things like we cant bear to live without each other was reserved for 16-year-old fans of poorly-written vampire romances. So your boyfriend said he doesnt want anything to do with his own child (besides the child support) and you didnt run screaming the other way? Before getting back together with your ex, maybe you should consider strongly whether or not you want to be with the kind of person whos angry that someone didnt abort in order to alleviate HIM of responsibility. BGM- multiple people disagreeing with you is not necessarily a sign of needless solidarity that makes you sound paranoid. Because, you dont know the other person you dont if they remember to take their pill on time, if they forget pills for days at a time, if they are taking antibiotics, or if youre just one of the unlucky small small percentage that gets pregnant while taking the pill. Oops this was meant as a reply to Steve up there! April 10, 2012, 6:23 pm, P.S. The court considers the psychological effects on the child before ordering support. While I stand by my statements about this woman being a total idiot, etc., and the fact that I dont think anyone was calling him scum for having sex with someone after he broke up with his girlfriend, I will say that I agree with the idea that its unfair for guys that they have no say in keeping or aborting but will be on the hook for child support even if they wanted the mother to have an abortion. I mean every word! You are acting like child support is some sort of lottery win for the woman it is court ordered money that is to go towards the care of your child. Youre right, what your life has become isnt fair- to anyone involved. she didn't know that she's pregnant after in 4 month later. Paraphrased of course. Everyone knows it. If the man doesnt, apparently you feel that he should not have that option. Its not right Im sure I wouldnt.! Male rape victims notwithstanding, men control where their sperm goes. Then the day we got back from this amazing vacation, he broke up with me through email! Pretty sure this: and he is furious with this woman for keeping the baby is the browbeat part. They wanted the child and now they want to whine about how hard it is? After 2 months, I initiated for a comeback. Rachelgrace53 Then, fine; but you need to consider the possibility of having to deal with this malarkey for the rest of the time you and your boyfriend are together. April 10, 2012, 10:41 am. If youre a man, your time to prevent having a child is when you have sex and decide how to protect yourself. If it is his child, he owes the child at least something. Freeze your sperm and get a vasectomy. Except I acknowledged that was guesswork on my part. Hes walking away and Susie will give birth or have an abortion alone. By clicking Subscribe Now, you agree to our, Find out why Dr. Sherry has this message for this scorned woman: You are being played with a capital "P!, The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages. So he and the LW should break up for good. Stop being a whiny spectator in your own life. Yes, it takes 2 to tango but she is the one carrying the child and an abortion isnt just an easy thing to do. April 10, 2012, 5:49 pm. We have been able to shield the kids from this at this point. He hadnt. Wheww. And there are many things that can happen that make it even less effective, like forgetting a pill, taking antibiotics, etc. According to legal abortion theory, only women create children. Having unprotected sex is not a crime, but if you have sex without a condom with someone you dont know or trust entirely yet, you need to know that there is the possibility a child could be conceived, either by accident or deception. April 10, 2012, 5:59 pm. How about, The woman who decided to keep the child knowing that the man was not interested in being a father and providing support?. April 10, 2012, 10:34 am. If you want to hold this poor man responsible for some child some women decided to create, thats just mean and patriarchal crap. If your dead-beat ex wants know part that is HIS decision. April 9, 2012, 4:55 pm. I dont think you have the maturity to deal with this sort of complexity so I would peace out for the sake of everyone involved, especially the baby. But still. And honestly, if my boyfriend told me he wants nothing to do with his own child. April 10, 2012, 10:56 am, hes angry with the way this has worked out. It hurts me that he will have to go through his first child experience with someone else while I watch. He could've at least waited a week after coming back! We do know that the guy in question didnt use a condom (as you yourself pinted out elsewhere, LW would have def. Sure, lots of people take those chances. That is not a legally binding document and is unenforceable. The pull out method? I dont feel anyone should be forced to be a part of a childs life. Now, I highly doubt the LWs boyfriends baby mother to be is psychotic as my friends former hook up. The only ones who dont are the ones who dont ask for it and/or whom the court deems is unable or unfit to. Man, I was having a crappy morning and now I feel SO MUCH BETTER, because Im not this LW. April 9, 2012, 11:40 am. The last 15 girlfriend jokes It's bro's before hoes, not bro's over your girlfriend. April 9, 2012, 7:33 pm. There is no indication that he is committed to having a relationship with you on any level. Shes also calling him a troll because he likes to show up only for these types of letters when he can tell DW commentators that we are all obviously wrong and from the she-women man hating club. Yes? A LW comment would at least help me to believe its valid. So what? And why do you think shes trying to trap him? I do plan to stay on my birth control because having a period every month doesnt sound like loads of fun after only having 4 a year for so long.